Posts from former Discussion pages 

Babies' Failure to Bond with Absent Parent
(a step-mother's concerns)

NOTE: All posts are presented 'as is' as the poster wrote it originally, with no editing of the content except for last names and E-Mail addresses.  The poster's ISP address is included as it was required to create the original post. 

 

Post # 00000679
I have a question ...
From: joy_jinks@hotmail.com
Remote Name: 206.174.5.219

Comments
I am a step-mother to a 4 1/2 year old boy. When I first started dating his father (now my husband), he was only 5 1/2 months. His "mother" was never around (always out at the bars) and basically abandoned him by the time he was 7 months old. She soon stopped seeing him altogether, never even calling to check on him. If you were to combine the amount of time she has spent with him since he was 5 1/2 months old, you might come close to a total of three months - MAX. Keep in mind he's only 4 1/2! She moved to another town last year and now hardly ever sees him. What is so frustrating is that since she did start seeing him again (Jan. 2003), she seems dumbfounded by his lack of parental bond with her. He calls her by her first name rather than 'mother' or 'mommy', which greatly upsets her. Escpecially since he has called me 'mommy' since he was 10 months old (he was not made to do it as she believes). She consistantly blames me and my husband for the fact she doesn't have a relationship with her child. We have never withheld visitation from her or spoken badly about her in his presence. But, my step-son displays a great dis-like for her. At times you would think he hated her. When she calls he absolutely refuses to talk to her (crys, screams "I no want too!"). When he does see her he acts nothing like he does with us. He's very rude to her and often yells demands at her (she never scolds him for this and acts like she doesn't care). He refuses to ever hug her or to even say, 'good-bye' to her after visits. To further add to the problem is that my stepson has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), which his mother refuses to accept. Is there anything my husband and I can do? Any suggestion as to how we can help him?   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post #  Post # 00000688
Re: I have a question ...
From: mommy marine
Remote Name: 138.162.128.37


Comments
Your child is now 4 1/2 (yes i mean your child) a child doesnt have to be biological yours to be your child. A child needs love and cared for . Your child is old enough to understand most of his emotions. It should be his choice if he wants to have contact with his bilogical mother. Dont force him for he will feel obligated to spend time with her and that shouldnt be the reason he goes to spend time with his mom. The only advise i can offer you and your husband is to either seek some kind of conceling with the mother and child or let the child deside for himself. His mother did leave that doesnt mean she has lost any parental rights legally but emotionally to your son she has lost her rights to be called a mother in his eyes. Later on in life maybe he will want to spend time with his mother and ask why, but as for now leave to door open for him but dont force him to talk, see or stay with her. thanks lisa  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 
0000068a
Re: I have a question ...
From: snuz2luz
Remote Name: 152.163.100.197

Comments
You've got to be kidding..........you can't honestly think that a 4 1/2 year old child can decide for themselves who they should see. I hope there isn't a judge in the country that would agree with that!!!!!!!!!!
(Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post #  00000851
Re: I have a question ...
From: [minor's email removed]
Remote Name: 208.63.186.196

Comments
why when my mom found her a new boyfriend she started treating us wrong and now i think that my mom boyfriend is starting not to like me because im not the smart one and they mostly like my other two sisters i don't care because im gonna run away one day an never come back . they still wont care i know my mom don't want me in her life that's why she should have killed me and mabey she would be happy now cause that's how she fill she's even ashamed of me but i dont care .now i wish i was DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!    (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

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