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Parental Alienation by Custodial Mother Page 5

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Original
Post # 0000000c
Parental Alienation by Custodial Mother
From: Thomas McKeown
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 4:23:32 PM
Remote Name: 12.78.100.220

Comments
On December 28th 1998, approximately 3 weeks after my sons birth, his mother and 13 year old son disappeared from my residence. I enlisted the police to find her and the child who were found at a shelter. Two weeks later she issued a restraining order alleging that I threatened to kidnap the baby, was verbally abusive and violent. I enlisted attorneys which ended up costing me over $22,000 over the course of 1 and half years. This nightmare is still going on. During this time I was denied access to my baby boy, was harassed by police and accused of everyting from child abuse to stalking. My lawyers were able to demonstrate that all of these accusations were baseless. Subsequently the order was dropped in May of that year. I was denied access to the child for 5 months. During those five monthsmy sons mother made arrangements with her exhusband to move into a house which he purchased to avoid paying taxable dollars in child support. He convinced her to forego child support in return for him paying interest on a mortagae that he could use as a tax write-off. He also stipulated that I could not go near his house or near his son. The ex husband lives in Texas, she is in South Orange New Jersey. My sons' mother does not have a lease with her exhusband, does not have a carreer or job and has no visible means of support. Her 13 year old son has emotional problems, was/is extremely jealous, obssesed withhis mother and has accused me of stalking him, verbally abusive etc. His father was/is jealous of my relationship with his ex-wife. I have been denied access to my son as a result. She deliberately used additional restraining orders, fabricated compliants, and used the courts to alienate me from my son. When I finally won visitation she acted out in anger at the drop-off and pick-up located at the neiborhood police station. She continueously harassed me via telephone calls while my son and I were together and acted like she was rescuing the child when I dropped him off. She was verbally abusive to me infront of the child, causing him to cry and hurting me. This case is still unresolved. She refuses to provide me with information about my son, his health, whereabouts, daycare arrangements etc. and has ignored all of the stipulations in three Consent Orders. Additionally over the course of 1 1/2 years she has placed 5 frivalous restrainng orders against me and two compliants of breaking these orders which were all dropped, but achieved the desired goal of alienating me and denying me access to my son. I became so frustrated with her behavior that I stopped visitation and consulted my attorney on how to proceed next. She refuses to communicate with me, has an unlisted number and has one final restraining order in effect which requires me to stay 4 blocks away from the house my son lives in. I am very upset about all this, sought out help for depression and am extremely angry with the Family Court System to allow this kind of behavior. If someone out there has a similiar experience and can offer some solid advice please contact me at thomas.mckeown@worldnet.att.net   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000000d
Re: Parental Alienation by Custodial Mother
From: with compassion
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 8:09:29 PM
Remote Name: 199.8.77.17

Comments
i entered this site with frustration and irritation at the alienating behavior my fiancee's exwife exhibits with their children. after reading your story, and the other ones here, i must tell you   [rest not typed in the message[  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 0000004e
Re: Parental Alienation by Custodial Mother
From: Another Concerned Parent
Date: 9/24/00
Time: 3:41:38 PM
Remote Name: 38.26.241.156

Comments
I read your article and know exactly what you are going through. My husband is going through the same thing, except this has been going on for over 10 years! His ex is a total "obsessed alienator". If there was something worse than that, she would be it. My husband has been back and forth to court over 20 times in the last 10 years and nothing has gone his way. He cannot afford an attorney and just loses hope everytime he has to go, knowing that things will always go her way. Because he lives in a different state, and doesn't have physical custody of the kids, and is a "man", the court system doesn't seem to think that his feelings and thoughts count. We have always known that she brainwashes his two children beyond belief, but this last time really proved just how "sick" she really is. She got his son to call and fight her battle with his father (with her on the phone, egging him on) and then at the end of the conversation, his son (12 years old) ended up saying to his father "f@!* you!! After that we heard her say, "Yes! - Good boy!!!" Now, we feel that is evidence enough (it was being taped) to get her in trouble for alienating the kids so bad, but like I said, the court system doesn't seem to see that she is doing anything wrong. I, myself, have lost weight over this unfair situation, had several crying sessions and have talked to several people trying to find comfort and justice, but it doesn't go away. The last time we went to court, she lied so much and exaggerated so much at the hearing that the judge said that to her at the end, but never did anything to her for it (like perjury). He just kept going with his final ruling (which was all her way). We had a great case, with evidence and everything. The whole time it looked like it was all in our favor, but he still ended up giving her what she wanted. My lawyer even said that he ruled in her favor because judges look frowned upon if they favor the man and not the "custodial mother". Where is the justice here?!?  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 0000007c
Re: Parental Alienation by Custodial Mother
From: Janine
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 12:09:17 PM
Remote Name: 208.187.114.57

Comments
YOur story struck a chord with me. We have custody. We are in court constantly. The boys have been sheilded a lot since we got them but after 4 years and a 60 page ruling saying the mother was found in contempt over and over and not found credible, a new judge just came along and without one ounce of testimony changed the order from no visitation either direct or indirect for a minimum of at least six months until she got counseling to standard visitation with out any restrictions. She called everyday for 4 days and talked two hours. she resumed her pattern of interference with these children immediately. She asks for and is getting every holiday. Her hatred is right back in full swing and taking over our lives. While we don't understand it ,we have learned some things. We were told that a 60 page document like ours was one judges attempt to write up something that wouldn't be so easily undone by another judge. We realize now that each day with these boys could be our last. We have seen them make so much progress in spite of all the things she has done since we got them in violation of the judges orders. She continues to win the battles and is financially ruining us, but my husband amazes me. He reminds me that today they are loving him and happy and more light hearted than he has ever seen them. They are also sever PAS but if she died tomorrow you would think they were fine. She never let their true selves develop and we have had more than anyone here given to us. I used to get to angry at the injustice and we decided that the hearing when he got custody had truly shown how crazy she was. It was killing the kids to be forced to see their father on her turf and we had decided to tell them we loved them but could not stand to see them torn up like this. We were ready to tell them that they were old enough to remember how much they hated his visits but that if they ever needed him he would be there for them and in the mean time he would still send child support and respond to the things they came to him for. If we had not gotten custody I think the boys would be gone from him. I doubt that they would ever have given him a chance. These alienators demand to much loyalty and make the kids lived with the belief that they have been wronged. I think about the movie "south pacific" remember the song that says, "you have to be carefully taught how to hate, it needs to be done before a child is six or seven or eight?" When ever we get overwhelmed by what she is doing still, I read the stories of others and am reminded to be grateful that even if she gets the boys back tomorrow, we did get today and we have seen these children grow and get to rest at least some, from this heavy burden of carrying their mother's hatred in our home. I think you cannot be comforted in this unless you petition your higher power what ever that is for help and peace. This is not the kind of suffering one distracts themselves from or overcomes by will power. I hope each of you is able to turn to some deep belief that makes this tolerable for you. Even though the prognosis is poor today, when these children grow up and are looking for someone to blame for their problems maybe just maybe there will be groups for PAS children who recognize that this happened to them. As my husband says," I don't know the answer to this, but their is always hope. Take care, Janine   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000000b3
Re: Parental Alienation by Custodial Mother
From: partner of non-custodial parent
Date: 6/11/01
Time: 10:16:49 PM
Remote Name: 61.9.165.135

Comments
Oh how familiar...my partner and his ex split soon after the birth of their son (6 weeks), he is now almost 2. Although she hasn't actually had a restraining order put in place (mainly because she doesn't have any evidence to back up her fabricated lies), she has advised him that if he attempts to contact her in *any* way or steps foot on her property, she will call the police. So now, my partner's mother must pick his son up in order for him to have contact with him. She has instructed his son's daycare to call the police if he calls there, has refused to provide any details of where his son spends time away from home, changed his name without a legal application, said that as we had a child on the way that my partner had no further need to see his son, and basically treats him as though he is a disruption and his contact as a chore to be endured. How do you establish in a court that PAS is at work in a child too young to talk about their feelings and too young to fully comprehend just what is happening? We currently have an interim order for contact for 4.5 hours per week (3 hours once a week and and additional 3 hours every other week)and my partner's proposal for increased contact is reasonably graduated until the time he is 4.5 yo and will spend the entire weekend - every other week with us. Another proposterous claim from his ex is that his son is still breastfed and that she becomes seriously ill if she doesn't nurse at least every 4 hours - Pleeeeease! I totally empathise with your situation and am happy to talk via email baddog@australiamail.com :) Good luck and don't give up!
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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