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Reactions to Step-parenting Article

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Original
Post # 00000017
So, I knew he had kids...But he knew that I didn't and I wanted my own.
From: mrs.a
Date: 5/11/00
Time: 10:42:29 PM
Remote Name: 216.3.0.103

Comments
I did not like the stepparenting article that is posted on this site. This is how, I think, that second wives and the children born into this type of family get the shaft. First of all I may be a second wife to him, but he is a first husband to me and my child is a first child to me and therefore should have every right that any other child should have. In fact, within a marriage and with a mom and a dad one would think that this particular child would have all the rights. This is not the case it seems. 

Since the dad had children before my child automatically becomes a second. Why is that? If a child is born from one black parent and one white parent then the child is bi-racial not black because the mom was black. You know there are plenty of single moms out there looking for families, my husband wanted me because I did not have children of my own. I told him that I did want my own children and he agreed to this. I feel as a step-mom that it is my right to give my half to the house regardless of the bio-mom or the kids. I am not going to tippy toe around so that MY children see me as someone who is a second wife. I want them to see life from my point of veiw as well and I feel that my point of view is as EQUAL as the dad's. I feel your step parenting site was probably written by a single mom that doesn't want her world messed up. Life is messy no matter what and Go gives us challenges in order that we show our character. Your site says "take a back seat, don't have an opinion, don't make a change in your won house.."

RIDICULIOUS!!!! AND UNFAIR TO MOMS!!! I think your site should say that parents should work together as a team to find out what works for them instead of making a bunch of "RULES" for the step parent to "stay out of the way" The marriage is the most important thinf - that is what keeps families together and that is what I think children want to see. Children want to see an example of how to function as a couple, not how to function as a split up family. Children need to see how a mrried couple works together and puts each other first if they ever want a chance to try it themselves. Meanwhile you want to have destroy new marriages with your advice so children grow up not only jaded but with no concept of relationship skills. The married kind of relationship skills, not the stepmom in the backseat kind that you talk about. Mrs. AA  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # Post # 00000018
Re: So, I knew he had kids...But he knew that I didn't and I want...
From: A person that understands...
Date: 5/11/00
Time: 11:50:31 PM
Remote Name: 152.163.197.182

Comments
You are so right. The new family unit should be strengthened by the unity of the two married parents! They should be able to show the children what it's like to be in a healthy relationship, and they should not reinforce the confusion of broken, past relationships. The ex-wife should be able to understand and respect the new wife's position in her ex-husband and her children's life. I am not a wife, but I have dated a divorced man with child. New relationships are unfortunately not recognized as they should be by broken homes because those divorced people are usually not able to understand what a healthy relaitonship encompasses. Being in a healthy and happy relationship means supporting each other and making decisions together. These decisions include those that include the children because (surprise!) those children are a huge part of the new significant other's life! We are still capable of loving children that we did not create. We deserve love and respect, too.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # Post # 0000007e
Re: So, I knew he had kids...But he knew that I didn't and I want...
From: stepmom
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 2:33:08 AM
Remote Name: 64.12.102.34

Comments
Thumbs up to you...stepmom. Everyone tells me to stay out of it, his daughter is not my daughter. They are right!!!, but "He" is my husband. And I can not and will not sit by and watch his ex continue to hurt him. He is already very ill, and we had to move miles away for his health. For years...seven now...I have watched his ex try to ruien our marriage, distroy his relationship with his daughter and hurt her own daughter because of the way she is. When she is mad at me, she takes it out on him. Now, she is saying he can not see his daughter without supervision and I know it is because of her hatred for me, and she doesn't want her daughter around me. My 13 yr. old stepdaughter and I have become good friends, and she doesn't like that. She is now saying my husband has an abusive background...trying to make some case up for supervised visitation. this of a lie, and besides, he adores his daughter, and she adores him...and he often spoils her, so what are they going to supervise....that he doesn't kiss her little behing? I have often thought of leaveing my husband so he could see his daughter, but the ex would win, and the daughter would see that you can treat people like this and get away with it. And ofcourse, my husband does not want me to leave. But I hate to see him hurting. Last time she upset him so bad that he was very ill for days. It seems like a battle that you can never win. How can you win when dealing with psycho peopel?  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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