Posts from former Discussion pages 

Forced to Divorce 
Step-Mom Forced to Divorce Dad to protect her Finances being included in Child Support Assessment

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Original
Post # 00000075
Need advice, how to inform without alienating
From: Sally
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 12:43:03 PM
Remote Name: 205.175.220.3

Comments
The background : My husband was asked for more child support in 96. He was then paying $870 a month. The increase would have been about $95. He did not fight the increase in any way but before it was finalized she demanded visitation changes. He fought the visitation changes. 

The day before court her laywer called and dropped the visitation changes and asked our lawyer to writeup the child support change and they would agree. At this point she had used up her retainer and owed her lawyer $1000.

After our lawyer wrote up the changes, her lawyer demanded they be retroactive to the date of filing (so he could get paid). My husband refused to retroactive - our lawyer said a judge would not give them to her since we had not drawn out the process. 

We had several court dates. Her lawyer cancelled one for vacation, didn't show for one, one was cancelled for the judge being in another trial, another was cancelled because it was a sitting judge. 

By May of 97, my husband instructed his attorney to quit getting it rescheduled - let her attorney do the work. We thought the motion was closed due to inactivity. 

In April of 2000, we are notified that the motion is still open and we have to go to court. My husband had worked a lot of paid overtime in 99 on a new job. 

In Jan 2000 he cut back to part-time and was working very hard to start his own business out of the house. The home business allowed him to spend more time with his son during spring break and summer visitation. The judge didn't care. 

Child support is set to over 1200 a month AND over 14,000 in retroative child support which he was given 30 days to pay. No grounds were given for why retroactive was granted. 

During court, her lawyer brought up my large salary and large investment income - all visible on our tax return. She had been unemployed for about a year and has remarried. 

We went to 2 different lawyers after the trial. The only advice on how to prevent this from occuring again was for us to divorce. Which we did. 

My question: How do we tell his kids why I divorced their father. The kids are almost 10 and 17. The 17 old has made comments to relatives that mom should have been getting this money all along because the judge agreed, etc. Despite the 7 years of alienation comments their mother has been making, we do not do this in our home.

How do I explain to them that this was the only way to protect myself financially from their mother. As you can imagine, I am heartbroken and furious that I could not remain married to their father because of this person. I have tried and tried to figure our how to explain the divorce without it coming across as an attack on their mother.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000007d
Re: Need advice, how to inform without alienating
From: sorry
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 2:15:38 PM
Remote Name: 208.187.114.147

Comments
After reading your letter and living through our similar nightmare where no amount of money is enough to get you through it, I now understand why so many lawyers invite their clients to take the shaft if it is bearable at all from ex spouses who are on a crusade to get what they feel they are entitled to. The problem I see even then is that the issue doesn't seem to be what is being argued about. It seems to be about exacting a pound of flesh and hurting their child's other parent in what ever way works. I think I would tell the kids that you were divorced because you ran into the weirdest situation and that if you stayed married they would not get to have so many nice things and fun vacations together also because your situation was so weird you felt like you had to do this so that you could save money for retirement so they would not have to support you in your old age. I know, it's lame, but maybe you could brainstorm along those lines and try find a way to make it about being a good thing for them. Sometimes dealing with those who are mean and crazy takes creative thinking. What a shame. hang in there, (like you have a choice)   (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 000000a9
Re: Need advice, how to inform without alienating
From: AKG
Date: 5/29/01
Time: 9:51:49 PM
Remote Name: 64.199.215.54

Comments
Sally, I am in a similar position. My Ex-Husband is trailing me for big money because I married a wealthy man. I never had much before and now we are married of cause with a prenup, but that, as we found out, is not protecting us from my ex-husband to get lots of money, which isn't even mine. We are thinking divorce. Can you e-mail me? I would love to talk to you! My e-mail is AndreaKorsen@juno.com  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000000c8
Re: Need advice, how to inform without alienating
From: the stepmom
Date: 7/6/01
Time: 4:58:40 PM
Remote Name: 216.68.129.242

Comments
I'm surprised they took both of your incomes into account. They do not look at my salary. What am I missing here?
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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